I was having an interesting conversation with my husband the other day over our morning coffee. We often discuss his current business dealings as he currently is pursuing some endeavors with his best friend (Jacob) and best friend’s brother, if for nothing else to keep me up to date with the goings-on around.
And often times, we discuss personal matters or thoughts that have been birthed by a thought or idea discussed between himself and Jacob. This was the latter.
Zach encouragingly relayed to me that Jacob and he had admired both their wives’ security, and the grace that follows that. The Bible speaks of the wife being a helpmate and a blessing, and “a good thing.” Security and grace must naturally follow being a wife in and of itself, right?
My immediate response was so natural, and so honest, that I wanted to share that with y’all here.
(I’d like to add a disclaimer here that I’m certainly not attempting to take Jacob’s wife’s voice, as she may feel differently, so I will explain how I feel toward security.)
I Have Cosmetic Insecurities
I do not lack feelings of personal insecurity. Most women have a list of cosmetic insecurities about themselves, and I assume most men as well. I’m not a fan of my jawline, or my flabby arms, or my small breasts. I certainly have an appreciation for beautiful women, and I’m not blind. They’re everywhere.
I’m certain my husband isn’t blind; he wears contacts to adjust his eyesight. He does not disrespect me by gawking at attractive women, and this would be an entirely different blog post if he did. But we cannot deny the human instinct to initially notice attractive individuals, both men and women.
Perhaps I Have Insecurities about Others’ Perception of Me
Except that I don’t. And it is my opinion that no one really should have crippling concerns about that. So long as someone is conducting themselves professionally, casually, or generally appropriately for whatever the occasion calls for, it’s really no one else’s business. Some people are loud, some are shy, some are inquisitive, some are relaxed, the list goes on and on.
I care greatly what my family, close friends, and superiors think of me, as do most others, but that’s about it. I have a friendly personality, I make sure to check in on friends that have gone stagnant to ensure their health, and I am a dedicated employee.
If someone suffers from anxiety, they fight an entire different set of obstacles, and I will reference that in a blog post later on.
It is a Gift that He’s Given to Himself
You may have already devised that I haven’t mentioned emotional security.
This is what I told him, “She and I have insecurities, but our emotional security is determined by you two. If y’all were secretive or not inclusive to us, we may feel differently. You ensure everything is good at home before you move on to work on other things. Never has something been going wrong, and your reaction was to just walk out the door in the name of business.”
Parallel to this, I have an open-door policy on my activities meaning that Zach could attend any events that I do. Obviously, he wouldn’t wish to go a bridal fitting for a friend or some other more intimate appointment. But in order to maintain his emotional security, he is invited wherever I go and he always knows what is going on.
I’m sure someone is reading this now and is rebuking that policy because they can’t possibly imagine being so intertwined and “attached at the hip.” Well, let’s address that so this ideal doesn’t get out of hand.
My husband doesn’t interject himself into every get-together I go to. I would say most, as many of my friends love bringing their men around too. He knows that he can and has attended nights out with my girls, and made sure everyone got home safely. If he is coming along, I always make sure that’s fine with whoever I’m spending time with, and there has never been an issue. As aforementioned, he has sense enough not to come to any intimate gatherings (or tending to a heartbroken friend, etc.), nor would he want to. But the open invitation into all areas of my life is reassuring.
Maybe for your relationship, this looks more like keeping an app on your phone that allows the other to check your whereabouts. Maybe this just means allowing them to know the passcode to your phone. Any and all steps toward openness and transparency between two people is a step toward health.
We are still learning, and we will always be still learning. There is no one-size-fits-all tip to a happy marriage life. But pouring into each other and maintaining transparency and honesty are necessities.
Happy wife, happy life? The Bible does have something to say about that. I want to end with three passages from Ephesians 5, and I’d love to hear your thoughts or tips to have a healthy marriage.
Ephesians 5:22 – “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”
Ephesians 5:25 – “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.”
Ephesians 5:28 – “In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.”