…you think you’re cooler than me. (Mike Posner)
I spoke briefly on forging friendships in adulthood on a previous entry, and I told y’all that we would re-visit it, and so we shall.
I don’t consider myself to be someone with many pet peeves, and I am relatively agreeable. I think finding common ground and having respect for those we disagree with is what sets the adults apart from the children. But I do have one major annoyance that gets under my skin like no other.
There is nothing I find more obnoxious than someone who thinks they’re “too cool.” Not someone who is secure in themselves or has confidence, but someone who looks down their nose at anyone they deem “uncool,” and therefore, “unworthy” of their time or attention. This is an attitude that should have died with the end of high school, but unfortunately lives on well past puberty.
This coupled with my belief that adults feel it is relatively difficult to form platonic relationships with other adults makes for quite a conundrum.
I’m going to take a soapbox for a moment, if I may.
We are often afraid to reach out and invite someone to spend time with us. The fear of rejection is one of the more controlling fears, in that it can determine decisions that we make around college majors, careers, and yes, our friendships.
I’ve had the embarrassing displeasure of inviting someone to spend time with me multiple times, only to finally realize that they are rejecting me in a polite way. I think many of us have, at some point of our lives. It’s not fun. It feels shameful, almost.
“How was I so stupid to think that they’d want to waste time with me? What’s great about me?”
And if you’ve been there, I’m here to tell you, everything is great about you. You made no mistake in attempting to reach out and form a friendship. You were trying to support someone else and find a little support in the world for yourself. You done good.
As I discussed in my last post, your vibe attracts your tribe, and it is far from impossible to make friends when you’re a grown-up. My advice to anyone who is having trouble in this arena is to steer clear of the “cool kids.”
You’re worth more than that, quite frankly. Someone who avoids you isn’t worth your energy to decode them or solve the mystery behind why it is they aren’t drawn to you. This same concept applies to relationships as well.
It may be just as harsh as it sounds, but if you have tried multiple times to make plans with someone, and they have had an excuse every time without reciprocating with a time that does work for their schedule, drop them.
If every time you text them, they respond with 1-2 words, and aren’t actively engaged in the conversation, don’t text them anymore.
If you have to come up with an excuse so that you can reach out to them, save your breath.
Save your time and energy for those who have time and energy for you.
In the name of transparency, I purposed to always be as honest as possible with y’all, and this was both one of my hardest and most fruitful lessons I’ve had in recent years. Once I applied these concepts to my circle, it got smaller, but it also got more virtuous.
“The righteous should choose their friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.” – Proverbs 12:26